The Sum Of All

    This course, all on perception, has changed my perspective about a lot of things religion. I admit to coming from a background that includes a lot of religious trauma, of struggling with family members stuck within a small, Christian-centric view of the world and all it had to offer. A memory seared into my brain includes a Christmas celebration where one aunt, an elementary school teacher, told us one of the things she wanted to read to her class had been blocked by administration for being "too Christian". Another aunt, in outraged response, said "So we can't read kids a story about gingerbread because it's 'too Christian', but we can teach them about Kwanzi?"

    She was, of course, referring to Kwanzaa.

    I acknowledge that in many ways, my trauma is not as full as many of the people in the class or people in the world. I was separated from the religious side of my family by the vast chasm of a divorce and custody arrangement, and so many of my feelings of hurt surrounding religion come from the small glimpses I saw of them. The disappointment I had not memorized passages, like my younger cousins. The disappointment I was not the feminine, pink loving, Christian girl my grandmother craved with every essence of her being (she would get those when I was, like, 15 when the only girls other than me were born and immediately forced into pink and femininity). The disappointment I received over my reading choices, despite being the only vicarious reader and the only in my generation who cared about my education... which, looking back, may be because they felt it would be wasted in a girl.

    And I say this not just to gather sympathy or empathy, because I want none. That reality is far behind me, separated by a thousand miles and I have only heard from one family member since, and even that contact is few and far between. I shared this to show the reason why I have always been wary of religion, especially organized religion.

    So to say that this class has genuinely been one of the best experiences and learning moments I've had in college, and in my adult life so far, is amazing to me. I acknowledge that this class has only been the smallest look into some religions, but it was a very big awakening for me to see the level of care and love people have for these faiths and the care and love people in these faiths have for each other. It was such a startling mix from the extremely religious, kind but not nice Southern family I'd grown up adjacent to. It was a wonderful change from that, one that made me examine a lot about myself as well.

    When I looked at what this blog was to do, I saw a chance to talk about what I liked. How I enjoyed the examination of smells, if just because I do not experience it well and the connection some have with the sense was fascinating to me. I could talk about how idol worship and Darshan seems to beautiful to me, so right, and that the celebration of religion rather than the strict keeping of it appeals to me. I could talk about how I've never had ritual foods or tastes, but I would like to; I'd like to cook for my deities, to see what they enjoy, to be able to put that level of care into my relations with them. I could talk about so much, but I think the biggest thing I learned has been within myself and the ways in which I view the wide, religious world around me.

    And now I can see that it is beautiful.