Pain Pain Go Away Or I'll Have To Pretend You Don't Exist

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My mom did not see things way, and she saw pain in a very permanent way, like if I was hurt physically for 2 seconds I would be hurt forever. A very dramatic viewing of things. She kind of feels that way about emotional pain too- but something that really struck out to me is the extreme difference she saw in physical vs emotional pain. She only really validated physical pain, emotional pain could never possibly be as intense. I enjoy the way Glucklich said it- they could be equally as gruesome. I have never had physical pain as pressing as emotional ones, the metaphors created from this idea make the most sense to me. Emotional pain, especially for women, is so stigmatized- like if you cry you're just sensitive, and your outburst makes you violent or crazy. No attention is paid to the hurt behind the tears or the anger. Men have the other end of this stick where they are denied the freedom to feel emotional pain outwardly. 

Phantom- limb pain is something that I heard about a lot from a family friend who had lost his arm during the war. In a society where pain is already so undermined for so many individuals- for instance there is a lot of bias in the medical community with some textbooks even claiming that black men and women experience less pain than white men and women- phantom limb pain is a phenomenon that was heavily doubted by so many. I remember my parents doubting him so often- thinking he was just complaining about it to complain. 

While I have the privilege of having all of my limbs, and therefore have never experienced phantom- limb pain, I have managed to think myself into being in pain, my intrusive thoughts after I had my nose pierced were so intense that I could feel the pain on my nose. My dad didn't believe this either, but for some reason he does believe that you can think yourself OUT of pain. If I was hurt, my dad would just tell me to think that it doesn't hurt and then maybe it wouldn't. This wasn't even just a little trick of the mind to get me to stop complaining, he genuinely believed that if I just pretended I wasn't in pain, I wouldn't be. 



Pain is a sensitive topic that has been so stigmatized through society in a number of different ways and for a number of different reasons. It feeds into a capitalist society, if you're hurt you won't be as productive, right? So you're not an active member of society and therefore you will suffer. You're a woman who is giving birth and are in pain- who wants to believe you? A lot of times no one, it'll cost too much to fix. It keeps gender roles and hierarchy in tact, as well as keeping our economy stable and the people in power, in power. Turns out my dad was giving me fantastic advice for the rest of my life. You have to pretend your pain doesn't exist if you want to be successful, if you want to be heard, if you want to be respected. What's the point of speaking up about your pain if there are no positive consequences. This isn't to say we shouldn't do this- we should experience pain radically, talk about it radically. Deconstruct the systems in place that govern how we feel and experience life. 

Comments

  1. Ellie RederMay 12, 2022 at 4:21 PM

    Yeah, your post reminded me of how hard of a time women have seeking medical treatments because doctors won't believe they're in pain. I heard of this one story somewhere where a woman went to seek treatment for something that was causing her extreme pain and she was turned away so many times. When she finally found someone who believed her, they found the source of the pain and it was a tumor. I think we should speak up about our pain, but I think we have to do this in order to deconstruct the systems that are in place that already decide that women and minorites are exaggerating pain.

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