The Bonding Touch

In our society, touch and the desire to be touched get a bit of a bum wrap. However, touch in general and the touching of others serves very important social functions. In her book, Ackerman talked about how sight in infants remains undeveloped for a fairly long time, which means that the very important realization that a separation exists between the self and anything else is formed by touch. Before they know anything else, babies learn that their bodies take up space and learn that other objects take up space too. However, to these babies who have very little understanding beyond what they feel, the caregiver that feeds, protects, and touches them is inseparable from the rest of the outside world. To them, the outside world is protection.

Upon growing, and gaining a more full understanding of the world around them, people realize that it is not the outside world that protects them, but others who care for them. The early lesson, however, that touch is safety, is hard to unlearn.
Into adulthood, touch remains an important way for people to both mark and reinforce intimacy. As JBK mentioned the other day, just think about how differently you react to bumping into a friend compared to bumping into a stranger. Touching a stranger may cause discomfort and awkwardness, whether you fear their unpredictable reaction or harbor instinctual concerns about their uncertain hygiene, a certain amount of uncertainty surrounds the touching of those you do not already trust. Touching a friend, on the other hand, reinforces feelings of trust. In affect, friendly touching is a way of denoting that you trust this person, and are unconcerned with the possible ramifications of touching them.

Lastly, I would like to briefly address the concept of "skin hunger," the idea that human beings, as social creatures, need to touch other human beings (though pets can help to fill this void). The fact is that distant association such as verbal communication is not enough for us to feel connected to the group at large. On an instinctual level, we need to feel safe, to feel like a part of a larger community, and the way we fulfill this desire is to touch, and in touching the people we care about and who care about us we demonstrate to ourselves and to our bodies that we are safely woven into a social fabric.
Harking back to our earliest memories, of disembodied touch nurturing us and keeping us alive, touch continues to queue to our bodies that we our safe.