My 'taste' on touch

By Anonymous -

My taste on touch, inspired by Elizabeth Robinson

Image result for licking someoneDuring Tuesday's class Elizabeth Robinson, a massage therapist came in to discuss touch with us. When she began by asking for volunteers and activities I immediately felt uncomfortable... "I do not like to be 'touched,'I meekly announced to her. It seemed as though not many others in the class felt the same way, they were quick to volunteer to be touched, or touch.

What made me different?

Ms. Robinson heard me, she reassured me by saying I was not a lone and some people did not necessarily enjoy being touched, or even touching others; she said this had a lot to do with how we grew up. I was constantly surrounded by people who loved me as a child, and who showed me their physical affection, but I was never affectionate with my dad. To this day I only feel comfort and trust in the arms of my mom.
Ms. Robinson asked if anyone in the class had ever had a massage, I was part of the minority who had not. I began to picture how awkward and uncomfortable I would be lying naked on a massage table letting a stranger knead the knots out of my back. I wondered how people could just trust them so easily to touch their body. I then thought about other interactions that dealt with touching, although  I like, no love to touch my own hair there are few people who I will let join in that. I think this has a lot to do with how much I trust the person, and how close I want them to my body.

This connection between touch and trust reminded me of the reading. The ideas of middle age communal living that involved a life where touching was constant, but in many ways through food, bath, sleep, physical intimacy  formed relationships of trust. I thought back to the monks who required a kiss to seal the deal for a contract because it was more powerful than a handshake. In my relationships with close friends, as we see in this picture of Katie and I we close transactions with a loving hug. This is a hug I would not give/ receive from someone i did not feel extremely comfortable with, it is only because I trust her so much that I let her into my 'little bubble' and let her embrace me.

Although I am highly allergic to animals, and have had some frightening experiences with them I think that with certain fury friends I have developed enough trust in that specific animal that I know only allow them to touch me but I want them to, and love to be cuddled and snuggled by them. I think  looking back on my relationship with animals is a good place for me start when looking at the changes touch has taken in my life. As a baby I was extremely attached to my Aunt's cat Sasha, but after being attacked by two of my neighbors dogs at age 8 I quickly found animals were not for me. I would cross the street anytime I saw a dog, I could not be in people's homes who had animals. But as I grew older I developed certain biases for animals I 'trusted,' as the above image shows. I still may cross the street is there is a dog I do not necessarily trust but there are more dogs I will look and and have to ask the owner if I can give their dog some love, then there are the dogs that I miss constantly, and have to beg their owners to see them. Although I know my life is on a blip in the grand scheme of things that the book was discussing I find it interesting that the book looked at the historical progression and changes in trust on a grand scheme, but we in our own lives can do the very same thing. 




Comments

  1. Jonathan Brumberg-KrausMay 8, 2015 at 9:22 AM

    As you can read in some of the other posts prompted by Elizabeth Robinson's visit, you were definitely not alone in the class in being ambivalent about being touched, probably for a lot of the same reasons you listed. Touch is so fraught with so many different kinds of emotional associations we attach to it. And yet as Gaby pointed out, starting as babies we need it and crave it, though later we learn socially to limit and circumscribe our need to touch and be touched.The notion of "good" touch and "bad touch" has been sexualized, indeed, criminalized in some cases, colored especially by very real concerns about sexual exploitation and violence. So how can we ethically (and comfortably) fulfill our very real emotional needs to be physically touched and to touch?

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