Smells and Mental Illness

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TW: Mental Illness mention, S*xual Assault mention                  

                There is no non-emotional way to write this. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. So here is the more emotional version. I have depression. I have anxiety. I have PTSD. All of which have been affecting me greatly. Surprisingly, or at least it's surprising to me, is how smells affect my mental illnesses. I can smell my cologne bottle (CK One), or my hairspray (Paul Mitchell) and those make me feel better. But I can do down into the Young basement and smell that someone has the same detergent as my attacker and it sends me into a crippling panic attack. It's both terrifying and wonderful how much smells can influence feelings of calm, glee, or panic. I can feel good when I go to chase to grab an everything bagel, shove it in the toaster, and schmear cream cheese on it and go back to my room. I smell the everything bagel "spices" and the toasted bread and feel safe. Depression grips onto me like a fly to a flytrap. Unreleasing, just keeping its grip on me until I am nothing but a shell of myself. I can use smells as a way to ground myself back to reality, knowing I am safe and okay. Smell, along with the other senses, help me a lot in feeling better, even though it can take days to weeks to months to feel even slightly better. Smells are very much in reality for me, even though I know there are others with smell conditions that can affect smells such as anosmia or smell-hallucinations. Using smells as a way to feel better can do wonders in terms of feeling better. Smelling good smells helps me in feeling better when I'm depressed. Smells can also do the opposite. Smelling bad meat or certain detergents or perfumes can completely shut me down for months on end. It sucks to have depression, especially when it last for so long without end.

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